Gods Of Egypt

Year: 2016
Director: Alex Proyas
Starring: Brenton Thwaites, Nikolaj Coster-Waldua, Gerard Butler, Chadwick Boseman
Written by Dalton Brown

Starring Gerard Butler, and some other people, ‘Gods of Egypt’ is an odd film. Odd, because I fail to see how it’s bad, and equally because I fail to see how it’s good. I fail to understand any of it, actually; it’s boring, but not; convoluted, but not; it’s everything, but nothing. I hate using this word, but it is, for lack of a better word, “weird”. It takes itself seriously, but then there are times of self-realisation where it tries to be what it should be: self-aware. The whole time I was watching it, I was wishing I would’ve seen it in 3D, whilst also wishing I never even watched it at all.

Now keep in mind I was expecting this film to be a mess, both visually and narratively; I just didn’t think it would be this big of a mess. One of the main problems I have with this film is that it is criminally under-saturated, visually speaking. The world we are presented with is so bright and vibrant, but the characters themselves are very dark and dull. This brings me back to not seeing it in 3D (I should’ve seen this in 3D dammit). Anyway, the lighting is one of the worst aspects of the film, which is a major bummer because, from the trailers, the creatures looked cool; it’s just a shame I can’t see them.

The story, on the other hand, is very oversaturated. The editing doesn’t help either – there’s a lot of jump cuts and it’s all very jarring, with the only positive thing being that it makes the film move at a brisk pace; just not brisk enough though. You see, the problem isn’t really the visuals or the story, despite both being very convoluted, the problem is the tone. Tonally speaking, and I’ve touched on this in the first paragraph slightly, it takes itself seriously but not too seriously, yet it’s not self-aware enough to be entertaining either. To put it into perspective, one scene has fire-breathing snakes, and the next scene has who knows what, because at that point I stopped caring. I stopped caring because that’s when I finally realised how one-dimensional the whole thing is.

Imagine James Cameron’s ‘Avatar’ mixed with Zack Snyder’s ‘300’ and you get ‘Gods of Egypt’. So in other words, ‘Gods of Egypt’ is a beautiful – I guess it’s beautiful – looking movie, while everything else is just very underdeveloped and, honestly, interesting in the most boring way possible. Understand? No, me neither.

All in all, I cannot recommend watching ‘Gods of Egypt’, but in a way, I’m inclined to say that if you get the chance to see it then go for it, maybe? It mostly just depends on if you like this type of fantasy; if you like your fantasy movies big, dumb, and stupid, maybe you’ll find some enjoyment here. It actually reminds me of a video game, titled ‘Serious Sam’. But if you’re not into that kind of thing then, much like me, you’ll find it a constant struggle to get through. It does get a little more self-aware towards the end, but even that isn’t enough to save it. Oh, and there’s unnecessary slow-motion thrown in too, so yeah…there’s that. There’s always that.

Dalton’s rating: 4.7 out of 10
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