Yoga Hosers

Year: 2016
Director: Kevin Smith
Starring: Lily-Rose Depp, Harley Quinn Smith, Johnny Depp, Adam Brody
Written by Dalton Brown

Boredom can sometimes lead to interesting experiences. It’s actually one of the reasons why I chose to sit through Kevin Smith’s latest film ‘Yoga Hosers’. With his daughter (Harley Quinn Smith) and her best friend (Lily-Rose Depp) in the leading roles, you would be forgiven for assuming this was just Smith attempting to send some work their way. In truth, ‘Yoga Hosers’ isn’t a very good movie, nor is it a very memorable one either, yet I enjoyed most of it. Now, bear with me as I try to explain this rather conflicting statement.

Alright, let’s get into the plot; well, it’s non-existent to be honest with you. I sort of have a thing for movies with loose plots, it seems. Anyway, I guess saying that there is no plot is an overstatement; it’s there, it just isn’t very good. There’s Nazis and bratwurst, and the film is set in the ‘Tusk’ universe (for those of you unfamiliar, ‘Tusk’ is a Kevin Smith movie from 2014). To elaborate a little more, ‘Yoga Hosers’ is about two yoga-loving Canadian teenagers that just want to party. They also, for some reason that probably Kevin Smith himself doesn’t even know, have the same name: Colleen. Colleen Collette (Lily-Rose Depp) and Colleen Mackenzie (Harley Quinn Smith), to be more specific. Okay, so I’ve taken longer to explain the plot than what is probably necessary.

Moving on, there are a couple of good things to come from ‘Yoga Hosers’. Like, for example, there’s a cameo that was pretty cool. Seriously though, there really is no good reason as to why I like this movie as much as I do. Maybe it’s because when I saw it, I was in the mood for something sort of “not-good” and dare I say, “simple”. Or maybe it’s because I’m insane. I’m going to say the former, just because I don’t think I want to admit to the latter.

Speaking of insane, the CGI was insane – insanely confusing. I mean, it was awful, but it felt purposefully awful. I don’t really know why that is either. Maybe budget constraints, but there really wasn’t much to suggest that ‘Yoga Hosers’ was breaking the bank in other areas. No explosions and limited locations, the only thing I can think of is that cameo; I can see how that could have ended up being expensive. Nevertheless, I didn’t really mind it the poor CGI all too much, because I felt that it matched the tone and mood of the film. The only thing that actually did bother me, however – besides Johnny Depp’s moles – was Kevin Smith’s sad attempt at being funny. Instead of accepting his failure, he denies it so much that he just ends up drowning. I mean, the jokes were fine but they never made me want to laugh out loud. I chuckled slightly at a few of them though, I’ll admit that. But I was mostly just sat there, mouth open, catching flies. Basically, I think I was just trying to come to terms with what I had gotten myself into. Plus, I was also trying to understand what Johnny Depp’s character, Guy LaPointe, was trying to say.

If you haven’t yet figured it out, I am left with a feeling of conflict after watching this film. I really don’t hate this movie, let me make that perfectly clear. I do, however, understand why people will hate it. Their reasons for not liking may differ from the reasons I mentioned, but I feel as though most people will at least be in the same ballpark here. It’s a dumb movie. The title basically tells you all you need to know. You just have to decide if ‘Yoga Hosers’ is right for you. All I know is, it was right for me.

Dalton’s rating: 6.5 out of 10
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